This body of work was created in response to the double suicide of my step daughter and close friend last October by the same method, eight days apart. My friend Monica Maduro was the youngest member ever on the board of directors at the de Young Museum. I was staying at her house on October 9th, 2013, the night my partner found our beloved daughter Emily Brewer dead. Monica followed on October 17th.
The show, “What Tethers Us?”, was held on October 17th, Monica's day, and I brought together 18 artists from the community, with musicians (a marching band Monica was once a part of), a couture collection, a performance group, individual acts, and sound healers. It was a confirmation of life and connectedness in response to despair.
Creating this work was the most profound artistic experience of my life. It truly healed, and I am honored to share it.
“DEEP WATER”
A series which uses water as metaphor for emotional and psychological states.
“ When in deep water, become a diver. ” -(Celtic Rune, Uruz Reversed)
The set consists of two triptychs. Each painting is 4 ft wide and 7 ft tall, consisting of oil paint and hand dyed papers on wood and aluminum, with three dimensional objects (bones, teeth, sea glass, flowers, razor blades, etc.) sunk in epoxy resin. Each painting is self standing, with a welded aluminum stand, and felt bottoms.
We see an absolutely beautiful and seemingly perfect woman who is outwardly glowing but inwardly struggling. She no longer feels capable of fighting her demons.
As self doubt and insecurities take over, she drowns in the words “never good enough.” She is no longer struggling, and we catch her gaze as she sinks. The distortion in the image alludes to her view being so clouded; she can no longer see herself.
We have lost our girl and now must let her move to the next plane in peace. The empty bird’s nest is obvious symbolism, but this piece also includes locks of Emily’s hair and cut flowers from her altar that miraculously did not die for three full months. The frame is 150 coyote bones which represent an animal who often cries alone.
This is the first piece of the second triptych. She seems to be drowning in her own fears but actually faces them. The real human teeth falling out of her mouth is a recurring nightmare I’ve had which represents loss of control. The bottom of the painting conjures her deepest, darkest fears. She almost tumbles headlong into the abyss, her bound arms exclaiming helplessness.
Our heroine experiences a 180 degree turning point and begins to see light at the end of her tunnel. She sheds her old self doubt, in the form of a snake skin (actually shed from Emily’s pet snake). The year of their suicides was also the Chinese Year of the Black Water Snake.
This is the final piece and represents an ascension into the light. Uplifting feelings of hope and possibility rise like pearls to the surface of the brightening water. She is transformed by facing her demons and refusing to give in. She is weightless and joyful, engaging new horizons and embracing her future.
